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Healthy boundaries with others begin with you having healthy boundaries with yourself. Before I learned this, I had a very difficult time hearing “no” or “wait,” and believe it or not, “wait” was harder than “no.” I put myself through a lot of hardship and financial difficulty. I also had a hard time telling others “no.” I thought I needed to do everything that was asked of me. I found myself toiling with an unhealthy respect for authority that kept me from speaking up for myself when it was warranted. I have learned how very important it is to have healthy boundaries. A huge part of implementing and enforcing boundaries with yourself is awareness and communication. I have used self-help books to learn who I am responsible for, how I am responsible to others, how to communicate effectively, and how to care-front whenever I need to be confrontational. I have even studied materials on the temperaments to help me understand why we behave the way we do and how to accept who I am while adjusting to the differences in others. Now, I look forward to building healthy relationships.

Most couples get married anticipating a lifelong relationship. If you take the traditional vows seriously, you commit to staying together when it gets tough – misunderstandings, disagreements, low or no money, and/or sickness. It’s easy to stay together otherwise. However, it takes a solid commitment from the both of you for a marriage to grow and remain successful. Relinquishing one’s own selfishness is required from each person in the marriage. 

Turn Single Parenting Into Your Most Noteworthy Investment in This Life

My son was two years old when it was revealed to me that I would need to take parenting seriously and do it on purpose. Before that unforgettable day, I was just going through the motions of working to provide for my children and making sure home was decent. It was a very empty routine of getting up in the morning, preparing breakfast for them, coming home and allowing them to occupy themselves without me – watching television a lot, playing with toys, horse-playing in their bedroom – while I prepared dinner and washed clothes and did chores. Outwardly, I was doing all the “right” things, but until that day while I was dusting the entertainment center, I had no intention of doing anything different. But that day, I admitted my fear of raising my kids alone. I admitted that I felt powerless and did not know how I would provide them a quality life because I had not been able to complete college. In my mind, I thought I needed more money. See, I was still married, but their father had established a pattern of abandonment and never provided for us. That day, I came to the realization that I would have to raise the kids alone. As I confessed my fears, I began to receive the reassurance that I just needed to become more intentionally prayerful and follow my faith, and purposefully “train them up.” My concern with not having enough money faded behind the compelling decision to give them myself, spending quality time and including them in the everyday planning of our lives. As adults now, they have expressed their most treasured memories are the times that we prayed together when they were children; when we sat down together and shared our hearts and laughter with each other. They appreciated and welcomed the honesty I consistently provided, even when it would be painful. Parenting those three is now one of my most treasured, fulfilling privileges!

You Can Find Authenticity After Abuse

I had experienced extreme abuse before I was adolescent. I knew in the fourth grade that my life was turning for the worst. 

My fourth grade teacher made a very lasting impression on me when she required me to hold my pen correctly, with my the top of my handwriting paper facing the proper direction, despite the fact that I was left-handed. 

I remember the distraction of being chosen to attend a local magnet school during the last two years of elementary school in the midst of that trouble. Those are some amongst the few of the best memories I have from that period in my life. 

Before seventh grade, I became a product of a broken home. By then I felt lost, confused, unsure how to be, I no longer trusted myself to think and make decisions for myself – I had lost myself in the violation.

I had concluded that my life was a door mat for everyone else to step on. I believed that I was unloved and anyone who expressed “love” really just wanted something from me. I graduated from high school afraid, not really sure of how to be an adult because my life was missing normalcy and the preparation I so desperately needed to thrive. 

I was in my late twenties when I realized I needed counseling. Once I started the therapy, it took me three plus years to understand and accept the gross dysfunction, how it was still impacting my life (especially in parenting) and I gained some viable tools to resolve the traumas in order move forward into the life I desired – and giving my children the mother they deserved. 

Reclaiming my authenticity has been a journey, but I know myself again. I like the me I am today!

Do You Struggle With Belonging?

I remember not feeling like I belonged in my family. I always thought my mother was closer to my siblings than me. I frequently asked my parents where I came from and was brushed off with the “joke” that I was found in a ditch. I felt excluded from interactions with my siblings. My

birthday falls in December – yes, a few days before Christmas, and so it was very rarely celebrated, nor was I ever given an explanation as to why. Being the middle child, I felt invisible. My older sister was just that – the oldest, the firstborn. My younger sister was the “baby” in the family. I felt forgotten. It was not until I was thirty-seven years old that I learned when I was born, I was in the hospital for more than a week due to circumstances surrounding my birth, separated from my mother. That explained the estrangement I had felt all that time. I chose to forgive immediately, and it has been the pathway to restoration in my relationships with my family.I remember not feeling like I belonged in my family. I always thought my mother was closer to my siblings than me. I frequently asked my parents where I came from and was brushed off with the “joke” that I was found in a ditch. I felt excluded from interactions with my siblings. My

birthday falls in December – yes, a few days before Christmas, and so it was very rarely celebrated, nor was I ever given an explanation as to why. Being the middle child, I felt invisible. My older sister was just that – the oldest, the firstborn. My younger sister was the “baby” in the family. I felt forgotten. It was not until I was thirty-seven years old that I learned when I was born, I was in the hospital for more than a week due to circumstances surrounding my birth, separated from my mother. That explained the estrangement I had felt all that time. I chose to forgive immediately, and it has been the pathway to restoration in my relationships with my family.